i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
