I wish I could teleport
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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