i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
