I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
vagina is talking i cant
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
