i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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