In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my being single is dangerous.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
