the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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