When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
