you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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