We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You need Xanax blowdarts
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
