There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
