So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
