I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
