The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
