I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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