I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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