I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
