if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
