You made me cry and you don't even care
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
