I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
