How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
