mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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