she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
