I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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