But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
