She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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