I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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