Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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