I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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