You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
