In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
