If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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