She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
