I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
