worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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