I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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