what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
