things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
