My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
