What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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