Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
