there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
