Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it hurts more in the daytime
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
