I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
