im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
