I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
