we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
