I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
