did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize