I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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