Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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