Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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