So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize