Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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