Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
