i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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