i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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