Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
