Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
