What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
