i permit you to call me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
