I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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