just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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