I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
