No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
