Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
